Death with Dignity

Tomorrow is a day for contemplation & sadness. A man that I have met only once but knew to be a very gregarious, kind, talented man in just that one meeting will be choosing to die at the hands of a doctor under the 'Death with Dignity' act.

Mark is the stepfather of a close friend & is suffering from cancer. There are tumors in his brain and cancer throughout his body. He has been on the decline for months, finding himself in a pain constantly that medicine cannot calm and in need of assistance for all of what function he has left. Mark's wife, my friend's mother, has been by his side so faithfully, always showing such strength.

I received the call from my friend last night. Mark has decided that tomorrow is the day. He is done! He has fought, has suffered, and has felt like a burden I am sure. Now he is ready to let his body go, releasing all others to go on with their lives.

I do not have a history knowing Mark over years, months or weeks. Just days. I am quite certain that I was the last person he did ever or will ever play 'Happy Birthday' on his piano & sing for. I truly feel honored.

I knew he was ill when I visited my friend at his family's beach house. It was the day after my birthday and my friend wanted me to meet his father and mother. He had invited me down knowing that Mark's health would not last for long.

As I walked into the house Chris, mother and wife, was waiting to greet me. A teacher who loves her work and gained knowledge herself at every chance my first impression of Chris was one of sweetness surrounding life experience. Chris then helped Mark come down stairs. Mark appeared to be a very gentle and fragile man. He was walking slowly across the room as if each step had to be placed just so yet Mark perked up instantly at the sight of a new visitor. When he found out that my birthday had just occurred he moved as quickly as he could to his piano bench and called for the birthday song. His fingers and his voice were so lively moving over the notes of the tune, especially for an actively dying man full of pain.

It was hard for me to sleep that night. I could not help but to think of the man dying so close to me. People come into and out of our lives always. Some we never see or hear of again. Most of the time we just assume that those we know nothing more of continue living a full and healthy life. That is the optimistic part of our spirits. But what about when you meet such a wonderful soul knowing that his life is closer to it's end then it is to the last spring he enjoyed? This was a situation that I had no experience with, no basis on how to react or what emotions to feel. My heart ached.

The second night of my visit Mark, Chris, Ky and I went out to eat in a quaint restaurant. We enjoyed the food, the wine, the view and the conversation. After dinner we drove the scenic route back to their home stopping to take in the sunset. I could not help but to watch as Chris and Mark walked hand in hand in a direction that would give them privacy. How hard must it be for Chris to know that every moment with Mark brings them closer to an end much quicker then it seems natural. How can Mark look at Chris with out shedding tears.

Sunday was my last day at the coast. Mark was too unwell to come down so I had to say my good byes at a distance. I was hesitant to leave. I would have liked to stayed to help around the house.

Now I am here mourning a man who is not yet dead, whom I have not had the opportunity to know well.

On one hand I admire Mark's strength but I do not envy his decision. Could you plan your own death? A very noble act that I would like to think I was capable of doing in such a situation. I hope that I would be able to show such courage. On a day to day basis I feel my faith is strong. I find comfort in my beliefs feeling that this Earth is simply the school house for our Soul. Once our lessons have been learned and we have taken our part in the lessons of others we can leave our body to be recycled into the soil while our spirit moves on to the next life. Death is never permanent.

I sometimes fantasize about the possibilities for the next life. However, I am so happy in this life that I can't bring myself to regret my past or attempt to forecast what is to come. But to decide when and how to end my existence when, in theory I should have more time... I can't imagine how that must feel.

All that I can do is send up prayers for the spirit that will be departing our realm tomorrow to find it's way. The living who remain will heal from this.

As for Mark's mother... this will be her second son that she has lost to cancer. She has even lost her husband to the same. May she find her peace!