Christian has been home for over a week now. He spent his summer back east having great adventures with family & then stayed in Los Angeles for a month with his father continuing to make up for lost time, bonding with him beautifully! We have had great opportunities to get out and have some together fun. Camping, horseback riding, bike riding, hiking, sitting around campfires with fun people. We have really been reconnecting. It's been fabulous.
Back in August I traveled to Breitenbush Hot Springs for a little down time prior to Christian's return. Although it is only 2 hours away, the atmosphere of the retreat is from a million miles away. This beautifully magical place is nestled away from any city life. There is a great consciousness for the Mother Earth. Quaint cabins, a lodge where everyone comes together to eat three organic, vegan meals a day signaled by the ringing of the dinner bell, hot springs built with beautifully placed river rocks, a labyrinth, a meditation yurt, a cobb hut for yoga or workshops... and it just goes on! All of this built in the midst of an anciet forest. What more could you ask for?
While there I met a few very interesting people. A very nice young couple with 'her' being still in high school. Her grandmother has brought her and her boyfriend from a ways off, where exactly, I do not know. The fact that two teenagers are here, as boyfriend and girlfriend, sitting naked with me in a hot spring taking in the sights of a magnificent lightening storm across the valley above the mountain opposite of us and really appreciating their surroundings is amazing to me. They are not behaving as immature, sex crazed children. Truly in awe of the beauty around them, they are respectful of each other and their hot spring companion. A lot could be learned from these two!
One man that I met is a local here in Portland. Let's call him... 'F'. Nice enough person but unattractive to me. Short and troll like, with hair everywhere but where most men want it. As this is not a place or time for picking up men and/or only giving the ones that are attractive attention, I am open to dialouge with him. But, then again, I have never found myself to be one to give the cold shoulder to people. Sometimes I falter, but more likey then not, I give everyone the 'time o' day'. Anyway, 'F' sits at my table where I have been eating and just met 'M'. 'M' is very nice and lovely to talk with. 'F' joins us and immediately takes over the conversation. I am a little annoyed as I was really enjoying chatting with 'M'. No worries. We all talk together.
'M' has a long drive to his homeland. He is interested in one last soak before his departure so he excuses himself from the table. 'F' stays stuck to his seat. After only a couple more moments I excuse myself in order to head to the hot springs to, hopefully, join 'M' so that we can continue our conversation.
'M' is lingering just outside and we walk to the springs together, picking up where we left off. He is a nice man and we have a lot to talk about, both of us being health care providers and having children. 'M' is a bit older, attractive, and has gentle bright blue eyes. I am enjoying his company.
Not too terribly long after 'M' and I are diving into deeper conversation on personal subjects, 'F' arrives. I can see the insecure kid in 'F' just wanting to be included. 'M' leaves within a moment of 'F' arriving. I contemplate getting out of the spring as well to give 'M' my contact information but I decide not too. Again, this is not what I am at breitenbush to do. I will leave it up to fate. Instead, I stay to converse with 'F'. He seems to need connection. Although, I do not stay much longer.
'F' and I do exchange contact info as he does live in Portland. He immediately suggests that we get together. I politely say, "sure". I do, however, explain to 'F' that I will be crazy busy getting ready to have my son back and that once Christian is home I will not be leaving his side for a while, until we have had some time to catch up. I let him know that I will not be allowing any thing else into my world for a bit. At least not until Christian is back in school and we are fully intergrated back into our 'school year routine'.
As fate would have it, 'M' was on the same page as me and has left his card wrapped up in my clothing. I smile when I discover this! I plan on emailing him soon.
Back at home, feeling refreshed and anxious to have my son with me I start on the tasks I have set for myself. Fixing up his room, cleaning the house, catching up on paperwork, etc. I have a great week prior to his arrival. I have many clients, as well as my chores. No time to do anything else! Just like I figured.
Unfortunately, my new friend 'F' didn't seem to hear me. He begins contacting me immediately, asking me to different events, calling me on the phone, 'IM'ing me while I am online just to check my business email. I know that I was very open and direct when I told him that I would have no time when I got back from the hot springs. Each time I would express my state of being extremely busy. He would continue on, not listening. Geez! I am loosing my patience.
Now, I know what it must be like to be an older sibling. I feel that 'F' is so needy and he is attempting to attach himself to me. An energetic vampire, if you will.
We have all heard that what we don't like in others is what we don't like about ourselves. I remember being that needy person. Just wanting to be included. Feeling insecure and lonley. Sometimes, I find myself back in that place. It really is an awful place to me. As much as I can relate to 'F', I am not sure he is able to see it in himself.
In a recent email he says that he hopes he is not being too pushy. I reply:
"To be quite honest, I did feel as though you were invading a bit. I was completely up front with you about my schedule and what my priorities were over the next couple of weeks after we met yet you kept contacting me and asking me to do things. It didn't seem as you were able to respect my boundaries. That's really not the way I want to begin a friendship.
I can relate to being a tad overzealous when it comes to meeting new people but it's really important to me that I feel safe and comfortable in my relationships.
Thank you for understanding".
Wow! What a change for me! I stuck to my boundaries! I guarded them with such diplomatic ferocity. (Proud grin!)
Wtih out so much as an apology, 'F' sends back an email stating that we should start from ground zero. He tells me that he felt we had a 'connection' when we met at Breitenbush. Another thing I can remembe myself doing... projecting my own desires onto another and creating something that wasn't trully there. I will not contact him again. I feel pretty confident that I have grown and now it is his time. I will not enable him by forcing myself to attempt a friendship with him out of pity. (Yes, I pity him as I once pitied my own reflection.)
If you have seen the movie The Celestine Phrophecy , there is a part where the main character approches a woman in a seemingly innocent manner with only the best intentions showing to the naked eye. She picks up instantly that he has underlying ulterior motives and backs away from him quickly. I want her radar! I no longer want to be sucker into a situation where I find that I am to be the 'giver' for the 'taker' who has just lured me into his web. In a sense, I find that I may have already began honing this radar ability. With help from the universe and my friends, I hope this 'Spidey Sense' keeps getting stronger.
As for 'M'... I would love to have a long distance email-ship with him. He was a kind and gentle man. I will always welcome those types of men into my world.
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